the "What the F***" Quotes from last night's Presidential Press Conference

When President Kerry is inaugurated in January, at least I know President Bush has a future in dinner theater. I couldn't stop laughing last night while listening to President Bush's third prime-time press conference of his administration. Here are some or my favorite excerpts from last night:

“Secretary of State Powell and Secretary of State Rumsfeld and a number of NATO defense and foreign minister are exploring a more formal role for NATO, such as turning the Polish-led division into a NATO operation and giving NATO specific responsibilities for border control.” - Boy, I'm sure glad we have two Secretaries of State...my only question is, which one takes over in the constitutional order of succession?

“I also have this belief, strong belief, that freedom is not this country’s gift to the world. Freedom is the Almighty’s gift to every man and woman in this world. And as the greatest power on the face of the earth, we have an obligation to help the spread of freedom.” - We need to get t-shirts made...United States: Arm of the Lord. To quote the West Wing, "You can conquer the world, like Charlemagne."

“I wish you’d have given me this written question ahead of time so I could plan for it. John, I’m sure historians will look back and say, gosh, he could’ve done it better this way or that way. You know, I just — I’m sure something will pop into my head here in the midst of this press conference, with all the pressure of trying to come up with answer, but it hadn’t yet.” ... “I hope — I don’t want to sound like I have made no mistakes. I’m confident I have. I just haven’t — you just put me under the spot here, and maybe I’m not as quick on my feet as I should be in coming up with one.” - Thanks to My 2 Cents, I will now proclaim that President Bush has no public speaking skills. I guess that's really not important...it's not like he's the leader of the free world...oh, wait.

“Look, nobody likes to see dead people on their television screens. I don’t.” - So that's why "CSI" is the most popular television show and "Kill Bill" is the highest grossing video rental this week...it makes so much sense.

“By the way, they found, I think, 50 tons of mustard gas, I believe it was, in a turkey farm [in Libya], only because he was willing to disclose where the mustard gas was. But that made the world safer.” ... “They [WMD] could still be there [in Iraq]. They could be hidden, like the 50 tons of mustard gas in a turkey farm.” - So we needed to invade Iraq, loose nearly 700 American lives, destabilize the entire region, alienate our allies and make America the most hated country in the world over mustard gas in a turkey farm in Libya? Sounds right to me!

“And so what I’m telling you is…” - Because after 5 minutes of answering the question, none of us really knew what the hell he was telling us.

“After 9/11, the world changed for me, and I think changed for the country. It changed for me because, like many, we assumed oceans would protect us from harm. And that’s not the case. It’s not the reality of the 21st century. Oceans don’t protect us. They don’t protect us from killers.” - I don't know about anyone else, but President Bush nailed my assumption. I knew other countries had intercontinental ballistic missiles, satellites and intercontinental bombers, but I also knew that none of those things can cross oceans...

I've saved the worst for last: “Some of the debate really centers around the fact that people don’t believe Iraq can be free; that if you’re Muslim, or perhaps brown-skinned, you can’t be self-governing or free. I’d strongly disagree with that.” - I'm glad George W. Bush, as the nation's leading civil rights activist, finally set us all straight that brown-skinned people can actually govern themselves.

What the F***!