Official RNC Convention Program

Here it is my friends...you got it here first...it is the official program and schedule of events to the 2004 Republican National Convention! Set to take place one day and one day only...courtesy of Dissident Voice.com

6:00 PM - Opening Prayer, led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell
6:30 PM - Pledge of Allegiance
6:35 PM - Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)
6:45 PM - Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
6:46 PM - Seminar #1 "Getting your kid a military deferment"
7:30 PM - First Presidential Beer Bong
7:35 PM - Serve Freedom Fries
7:40 PM - EPA Address #1: "Mercury, it's what's for dinner"
8:00 PM - Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 PM - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 PM - John Ashcroft Lecture: "The Homos are after your children"
8:30 PM - Round table discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)
8:50 PM - Seminar #2 "Corporations: The government of the future"
9:00 PM - Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"
9:05 PM - Second Presidential Beer Bong
9:10 PM - EPA Address #2 "Trees: The real cause of forest fires"
9:30 PM - Break for secret meetings
10:00 PM - Second prayer, led by Cal Thomas
10:15 PM - Lecture by Carl Rove: "Doublespeak made easy"
10:30 PM - Rumsfeld demonstration of how to squint and talk macho
10:35 PM - Bush demonstration of trademark "deer in headlights" stare.
10:40 PM - John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory kevlar chastity belt
10:45 PM - Clarence Thomas reads list of black republicans
10:46 PM - Third Presidential Beer Bong
10:50 PM - Seminar #3 "Education: a drain on our nation's economy"
11:10 PM - Hilary Clinton Piñata
11:20 PM - Second Lecture by John Ashcroft: "Evolutionists: The dangerous new cult"
11:30 PM - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again.
11:35 PM - Blame Clinton
11:40 PM - Laura serves milk and cookies
11:50 PM - Closing Prayer, led by Jesus Himself
12:00 AM - Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord
Unlike my conservative counterpart at My 2 Cents, I'm not taking credit for a schedule I didn't come up with. Props go out to Dissident Voice.com and their fine staff.